Today is the last day of May. It is May.31st,2021 , and it is Memorial Day. I want to take a second to dedicate this post to all the men and women that have fought for our country and those that are still fighting. The soldiers and their families are in my thoughts and prayers everyday but today especially. Make sure you remember what Memorial Day is about and thank a service member when you see them.
Since this month is Mental Health Awareness Month I wanted to take this time to talk about my own Mental Health journey. I have personally battled with depression and anxiety disorder for the majority of my 20’s. I was diagnosed with major depression a few years ago and I knew I needed to reach out for help when I started to have suicidal thoughts. Then in the past year I was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. My anixety started before the pandemic and then it hit and effected me more. I was always a bubbly person and I was told I was never without a smile on my face. I was voted most likely to succeed in school and felt so strong in where I was heading in life. So it hit me really hard when I first starting feeling depressed. It was something that I did not know how to handle and not many around me understood. Growing up it was about being tough and not letting others see you cry. I never felt that need to and also felt strong and secure. But then that wall,that feeling just broke. My first sign was losing interest in things I loved. Then built from there. Its like feeling that you feel all alone and have no one, even though I am surround by loved ones; it is feeling like they would be better off without you; its like a dark hole you cannot climb out of. I was at a cross roads in my life at the time where I had a couple big life things happening, I found out a health diagnoses that will effect my whole life, and I was not sure of my next life step. I am also the type of person that holds things in and won’t talk about how I am feeling. So I let myself just go down that dark hole until I realized I was not going to get anywhere if I did not seek help. I finally opened up about my feelings and thoughts and got help. I am on medicine and I do make sure to talk to someone. It is important to always make sure you reach out for that help and not hold yourself back. Always remember you not alone. During my darkest moments, even if my brain tries to tell me I’m alone and no one loves me , I still tell myself that is not true. At the moment of darkness I might believe that but say it reminds me I’ll get through that darkness and will know it’s true. It has taken me awhile to come to terms with my mental illness and not feel ashamed of it. That would be my one tip to others that face Mental illnesses, don’t feel ashamed of your disorder. Got help and know you are not alone.
If anyone reading this wants someone to talk to I am here and will listen. You are not alone ❤
If you are having suicidal thoughts
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Please ask for help:
- US NATIONAL SUICIDE HOTLINE: 1-800-273-8255
- US CRISIS TEXT LINE: 741741
or visit the website at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/