Me, Myself, and I

I remember the day I was talking to a new friend. We became fast friends I would say because we had a lot of similarities. What I remember most is what he told me at the very end of a long conversation, you are a “cluster :f***” . I embraced that whole heartedly because I really am. I am full of all kinds of thoughts, emotions, feelings, etc… every minute of everyday. I go into the day not really knowing what I want to do or what I am going to do. I just try go step by step.  That has mostly just been me this year. I use to be a big dreamer and planner and knew exactly what I wanted to do and my next step. I use to just jump full force and just see what happens. But after my mis-step with going to Texas I have changed. I don’t know if it’s because of all my health stuff or just how hard it hit me. But now I make decision slower. I really think about what I am going to do and my options. I am more hesitant now. I don’t really jump, I look and then think should I really be doing this. I am just not as spontaneous  as I use to be. I am 23 but I feel like I am 50. I am more into downtime, and naps now. I was never into parties, or a big drinker. I would rather stay in and watch HGTV or Star Wars.That’s the biggest thing for me right now is getting my passion and drive back. I was so excited to move to Texas and when all that changed it just hit me like a wrecking ball. I have had a harder time motivating myself, when I use to always be self-motivating.  All in all this year has been a year of changes for me. I am having to regroup and  figure out the changed me. I am liking the newer me but the new me is still stuck on the old me. Now its December, almost the new year, and I am slowing coming back into my own. I am still a Harry Potter, Star Wars geek, that runs for fun, and can always been found in the gym. That’s the key to get through life is saying this is who I am, and I am proud of it. I may be calmer and slower than I use to be, but hey I can still squat 😉 

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